Saturday, 14 June 2014

I feel okay

It's not like I'm jumping out of glee from watching the pictures of them two together, kissing, holding hands, looking like the most perfect morphed-into-eachother-couple ever. No of course not, there is a reason I've hidden him from my Facebook newsfeed.
No that's not the part I am okay with. I'm okay with the feeling that gets me when I see him. I love him, amazing how this feeling is, I mean I've never really had it. So it is so exciting just to feel it, just to bask in it's glory. You know, the way you explore something entirely new, something you thought was a feeling you never were to feel or understand. He is happy with her, she is gorgeous - so is he. He looks genuinely happy with her. And I love him so much I goddamn don't even feel jealous. Or yeah sure, I picture myself next to him instead of her and that feels better - but I'm not jealous in the usual "oh my god, she's such a whore, I'm so much cooler than her, he's an idiot for not seeing it". No I'm not at all. I feel happy. For him. And I feel happy for me, for feeling this way. For finally - FINALLY - feeling so much for someone you actually genuinely want them to be happy before anything else. I've never felt this way. Never understood it, never seen it. And I know I will be okay because I've opened up a door I didn't thing existed earlier. I'm on my way to find someone for me, and I weren't ready for it earlier. Hell, I wasn't really ready for it when I was in a relationship for two years either. But that's a whole other story, and all about teenager thinking and way of behaving. 

I am okay. Because I feel okay when I look at pictures of him, of them. It is okay now. Let the next one come, cause I am ready to feel that feeling he gave me again. Hell, maybe I'm already growing on something similar already. Or maybe it's just the warmth from the sun that's finally back.

Let's round up this post with all the bachelors I surely wouldn't say no to evvur.

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