I've gotten an interview for an H&M-store, and will be going down for another traintrip (I went a week ago as well - eight hour traintrips are NOT as cosy as you always imagine them to be) tomorrow. It's all going really fast - both work-related and money-related. I am trying to make everything work at once, and I'm not sure how this will work out in the end. Have this big dream - and will do everything in my power to make it happen - to celebrate christmas and new year's in Tokyo. One of my best friends are living there this year, and I figured that A) When do I ever get the chance to see Tokyo from the eyes of someone living there, and not the tourist-y part. And B) How nice wouldn't it be to celebrate christmas with Siril in one of the craziest towns in the world! And I am having so many ideas on what we will do to make everything more norwegian-christmas-y. I think my speciality is making something out of almost nothing, and I find that challenge super-fun!
And I actually can't wait to go down to Oslo now. I was really against it at first - I seriously don't like that city. But then I remembered all my friends living there. And then I remembered that hey - I have almost all of my friends living there. I'll be LESS alone there than here, which is pretty sick! And most of them are in the photo-business, which will mean I'll get more talk about it, more inspiration, more hits for my addiction of photos. Which by the way is starting to circle totally out of control. I am literally swimming in pictures to over my head right now (okay maybe not literally)! There's work, there's educational-photos (trying to be better at lookbook-pictures) and there's portraits AND there's personal projects. I am for reals doing one shoot a week. My online portfolio is three pictures from being just as big as last year's portfolio - in other words I've done in six/seven months what I did in one year last year. It's a good thing for sure, I am really starting to feel good about it, I post with pride instead of "ohgod, I guess I have to post this so people see I've done something at least". I can feel that I've matured, gotten older - both in my head but also in my photos. Because I am working so much with it, it is maturing with me in a weird way. Photographing has become such a big part of me it's growing with me. Trippy.
And sometimes I think part of my development is because of Shirin, my last roommate in Copenhagen. She draws and paints all the time, she sat on the cold floor and painted her feelings straight down on the paper, so goddamn naked and true that I felt embarassed on how simple it is done if you only believe in it (I never dare to show my feelings, my family is the perfect example of people-keeping-it-in). By watching her nearly spewing out her emotions every day - both by talking to me, and by drawing it on a piece of paper, I realized that's exactly what I have to do too. If I want my work to become something I take pride in, then it's essential for me to open the fuck up. And open up so much my heart bleeds all over it. And I'm not all there just yet, but I have a book where I try do to just that. It's a book I don't show that much, but it's my space where I can write and draw and paint exactly everything I feel. Wether it's pretty or not, or if it's dead serious girl-thoughts about wanting a man and a baby and getting married (which oh so often is being shamed, which I find extremely sad). And this has pushed me a little more in the photographical part of me too. I am trying to find myself and then start believing in it and then it's all about telling people that fuck you, this is me and if you don't like me, you can remove your fugly face out of mine. Represent! Just kidding...
But yeah this is me these days. It's a lot going on, I am freaking a little out, I am working a little bit more than what I probably should, I am so goddamn tired of Photoshop. But all in all, I am doing fine. Better than fine actually, I am doing great! I might not be getting any money from it, but I am doing what I love and that feeling is so good it trumps the feeling of not getting paid enough money to eat anything else than noodles.
Will by the way try to start take more daily pictures to show you guys what I do. Especially when I move, so that I'll do what I did last time I moved, keeping everyone at home informed on my doings.
(If I did that now, it would be me sitting with coffee in my hand, editing in photoshop. Haha).