I have these thoughts about writing and about what's cool to write about and not. And I always end up with the feeling of wanting to be completely honest. It has nothing to do with me wanting fame in any form, come on I'm old as a fossil, fame and glory is for those younger than me (actually kinda true and also somewhat depressing). Anyway, what I want to be completely honest and writeable about is the struggle - not in the teens, that's up to Rookie Mag. But the struggle you have in your twenties (or for that matter thirties or fourties). And you are done with your education and you are supposed to succeed. Cause you know what, I am talking with so many these days that is just. not. there. And everybody say the same: They feel alone about it and they have no idea where to even start. Because seriously where do you start? No matter what profession (but especially the freelance-type-of-job), how do you start? And where? And what about the rest of your life? And why do everybody else succeed?
You know, I actually feel a bit fooled. Or not fooled, maybe just... Uninformed? Cause you know, you get loads of stories and tell-tales about teens and about how life is hard when you are an adult and have fulltime job and a family. But I actually got a big shock when I was done with school and entered life outside it. Cause no-one really told me about how it was to stand outside and having to get your own money from the profession you've spent houndreds of thousands (you by the way don't have) on to get. Cause unless you are lucky or a fucking prodigy you are screwed. And it took me about a year to realise that I wasn't alone about it. For a year I thought I was a screw-up with too high, unrealistic expectations of life. Which accidentally also was the year I was living in another country with no-one to understand me (language-wise since danish is a really hard one). It is not to recommend. But then I went home and I found a whole bunch of people exactly where I was. Mind-wise. They were all just as down as me, just as lost. And were are the people talking about this? I know, I know, there are loads of things to talk about in this world. But this matter is kindof important too. Cause there are actually loads that do struggle after their education, on finding work, on finding the right place in life and the profession.
So I think I'm gonna be more honest from now on. Until now I've only given some small hints about my being, but you know, I think I should start making these feelings less embarrasing. Less "wrong".
I'll express every fucking feeling that I have. About life, about feeling like a screwup, about facing obstacles and about the struggle to become what I want to become. Which I by the way don't really know what is half of the time. I don't have that many readers and this blog is majorly just for myself - which it's always been - but I'm just informing that I'm gonna try to be more open and I hope that at least one person reads this and feels a little better because he or she understands that just because it's hard and the mood is mostly down, doesn't mean it's time to give up.
Cause, as the youtube-phenomenon say: Aint nobody got time for that!