Tuesday, 12 March 2013

Weekend-break

So here's the pictures from this weekend. It was mostly hanging with the girls and the cat, which suits me pretty good. 

I've been sick since friday and today is my last sickday before it's back to work. Back to my old work that is. And you know what, I have no idea how many hours I'll get the next months, I don't know if I'll manage it (financially), I don't know if most of my time will be used in sitting at home watching tv. But you know. I don't care.
I hope for it. For the saving-up-to-a-computer-part, then yeah of course I hope on loads of hours. But for the me-part I hope on nothing at all. Not because I'm lazy in any form, but just because I have kind of hit the bottom of the work-my-ass-off-for-a-random-job-barrel. I look forward to some months working for H&M again. I will not search for a new job here in Trondheim. I will take a break until I find myself a job where I'm supposed to be. Not where "I guess I could be, it's close up to what i want anyway".
I don't know, I'm kindof in a strange place now. It's not that I am in any way unsatisfied with my surroundings. I'm having a great time, I am feeling good. Better than in a long time. But you know, there is this feeling of just not getting through in what I want. What do I want? I have absolutely no idea! I honestly have no freaking clue to hold on to. Yeah I would like to work with fashion, but what job could be the one for me? There are plenty to choose from, 90% almost unattainable unless you are 100% determined on it. Where do I want to live? I know I don't want to live here. My hometown is great and pretty and has loads of loveable people in it, but that's where it stops and where I'm feeling I need something else. Something more. Something completely different. But will it be better if I move someplace else? I didn't go better in Copenhagen. What will be different other than myself in London? I am the key, I know that, but somehow I always end up blaming everything else around me. But where do my self-paranoia stop and my everything-else-paranoia start? Cause somewhere along the middle is the truth and answer. I just don't know where. And I don't know how to figure it out. And I don't know what to do to feel okay and satisfied. Do I need a boyfriend for it? What if that is what's missing from my life? But has it then really come to that. All those years with unexplained feelings of worry and unsatisfaction. All because a man is missing. Seriously? Where is the "I am a woman and don't need a man to fulfill my life!"? Maybe it's just a lie all single women say to themselves while eating icecream and watching one tree hill... 

In which case I feel cheated by you, brain!


Anyway - 
 




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