Another selfportrait from that shoot with myself three weeks ago. Have two more I like a lot, but just have to take some break between each picture since they're so different in style.
Have made an assignment for myself. I will try to double up the standard in my portfolio in one month and start sending it in to british photographers. I have decided to stop dreaming and start achieving.
First lesson: Don't think. Just do.
(It's such a girly thing to overthink everything and I have a theory that's why there are a man-dominated photo-business. So stop thinking girls! Nothing good comes out of it, goddonut.)
((Though it kindof makes the feminist side of me a bit angry. I mean come on why should it be damned that women think more thoroughly then men. Why can't we be just as sucessfull just because we take feelings and thoughts into account. Goddonut, I'm not a cardboard 2D picture perfect reflection of a man's ideas either. I'm a WO-MAN - which Carrie Bradshaw drunkenly says to Big YES I AM A GIRL THAT WATCHES SEX AND THE CITY, SUE ME IT'S AN AWESOME TVSHOW, BOYS ((hahahaha I am so not serious now))
Well, yeah, that's how busy I've been lately. Here is the pictures from my christmas ya'll!
Which also was the last day I saw and talked to my uncle, who died three weeks ago. There's really not that much to say about it other than he is severly missed and our lives won't be the same without him. His two daughters ("my girls") are now without a father, they will never experience the adult view of a parent, how the person really is. Cannot count how many times I've gotten the message "take care of the girls for us" from various family members and friends these weeks. The hardest one was the day we found him, and the corroners had carried him into the car. We were a little gang of six standing there and mourning and right before they were to close the door on the car, everybody huddled together and cried. Then a friend of him - a woman I've never met in my life - grabs my arm, don't let go and say "take care of the girls now, okay? You promise?" I did and she wouldn't let me go. I didn't want her to let go either. That's the first time I've felt real, hard, penetrating grief. And the first time it's ever been frustrating not having a faith in anything. I just hope he's not alone like he were when he passed away.
I guess this was supposed to be a cosy post about christmas and joy, but it's hard to keep it that way right now. So this post will instead be the memories of the last day together.
He really was the kindest man I've ever met. And I can't help but remember all those times we fought when I was little and he was being a stupid irritating uncle who still let me live to him even though I was annoying and grumpy 24/7.
This is actually one of my sort-of-hobbies whenever I miss London. I can sit for hours just walking through the streets at street view and look at all the pretty houses. One day I'll live there as well, and all will be swell and I'll be going to the local pub every evening after work in central London on some megamajor-cool fashion-job. And I'll walk in heels every day and I won't have a worry on my face because life is so perfect. OhMY that would be summthin, u guys!
Hey anothah selfie, how did that happen oh I don't know maybe I'm superduper-in-love with myself oh you are so right sir!
Starting to fall a bit in love with the frame-thingy. Will come more pics of me in the next couple of days, did a selfportrait-shoot last week and do finally have the energy and time that is needed to start editing them.
Hopefully at least one of them will be a pretty one and not a messed up one. But it's me, so... probably not. Deal with it world!
xo xo u know u luv me