I want to make collages again. Draw something pretty and make a ugly picture. I want to be creative, I miss doing things with my hands instead of in a digital world. The digital fuss takes all the fun out of the art. I want to take a photo and mess up the film. See what I can do with it and make something ugly and strange. And I want to see his smile on my lips. Give me inspiration, give me something to make my art flow. Give me the vision and skill I need to get it all out in a decent look. I want to go out in the forest and take pictures like I did when I was younger. Just run out, take with me some clothes and a friend and take pictures with a really crappy camera with small aperture and an big ol' ugly flash. It was all so simple, so fun, so ugly and still something was there. Something I've lost. I want it back. Give it all back to me, I want love and passion and sex. Give it all back to me, I've gone a year without feelings to anyone, I want it back. I need to find it, soak it in, use it for all it's worth and spit it all out into something exciting and ugly. I want it ugly. Cause that is love to me. Ugly and violent and absolutely necessary to live a life worth mentioning. Move me, love me, hate me. Just give me something to work with, I want my emotions to set on fire and explode. Maybe then I'll start making things worth to show and tell. I want to make pictures again.